We had romantic ideas when we decided to have another baby about how much easier it would be after all that we had been through with our first born, Nathan. He had arrived by an unplanned c-section (which I later realized totally traumatized me!) and we had trouble getting nursing off to a good start. We had a rough beginning but that was the tip of the iceberg as we then settled into months of crying. His and mine.
We didn't bond right away and I had those moments when I needed to just put him down and walk away for a few minutes to compose myself. He was about 7 months old when the crying finally started to let up and I started to feel slightly human again. It took another year or so to come out of what I now know must have been postpartum depression. At that point I thought I might be ready to handle having another baby and hoped that this time things would be a bit easier. There were no guarantees for an easy ride but at least I was pretty confident that things could get pretty bad and I would recover, bond with my baby and feel happy again.
Flash forward about 14 months and we now have a 3 year old and 6 month old twins. It may seem like a daunting task to be the mother of twins and an older child, and it is, but things have actually been easier and more enjoyable in some ways in the first few months than the first time around. While there are some days that I still feel like I might go bonkers, it is getting easier (by no means easy) and we have settled into a fairly comfortable routine.
For starters, I knew I was likely going to have a c-section this time. I had hoped that I would be able to avoid it but was well prepared for the extremely high probability of another surgical birth experience. There were no surprises there and I was much less afraid this time as I knew what to expect. Emotionally I had come to term (no pun intended) with the whole process. I also healed so much more easily and quickly this time too. It's amazing what skipping 18 hours of hard labour will do for the recovery process.
I bonded immediately with both babies. Clint was able to take pictures of Colin being born and since he didn't pass out for that the doctor let him video Emily's birth. That helped so much with feeling connected to them both. They also stayed with me from the time they were born, nursed in recovery and were transfered to my postpartum room with me in my arms. Nathan had been taken away and I didn't see him for a couple of hours after he was born. No wonder we didn't bond immediately!
Even though there were two babies this time nursing was so much easier and we had a great start with that. Both of them together didn't cry as much as Nathan did all by himself. What crying they did do was also much less stressful since we were so used to hearing it! Clint was better prepared to be super-dad around the house and our families were more willing to help out this time around too. All things that made our first few weeks at home much easier than the first time.
But nothing compares to the added bonus of having my sweet little boy with me everyday as I try to figure things out. I am so blessed to have an older child to talk to, play games with and chase around the house. Babies can be pretty boring, especially in the first few months before they start to become more social. Nathan makes me laugh, says please and thank you, gives me hugs and kisses and tells me he loves me for no reason other than he just does. He is a fantastic big brother and is so gentle with his baby brother and sister. It's not uncommon for him to tell each of them that he loves them and give them a gentle kiss on the cheek and rub on the head, always ensuring that whatever love he gives to one, he gives the other too. He has never hurt either one and has yet to show any signs of jealousy. He's at an age where he wants to help out and be a part of anything we are doing with the babies. He hands me bibs for spit up, toys when they are dropped and towels after they are bathed. And he likes doing it too!
Our life is a little crazy and a whole lot of loud on most days but we make it work. I guess when people ask me how I manage with twins AND a 3 year old I should just tell them that I wouldn't be able to manage without him :-)
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