Expired Pancreas

Just when I thought I was finally getting our home life organized and becoming Super Mommy, I have been given a swift kick in the gut. The pancreas to be more exact. It turns out I am the "lucky recipient" (the words of my nurse) of a gene that basically stamped my pancreas with an expiration date.

About 6-8 weeks ago I started having some symptoms... extreme thirst, frequent and excessive peeing, weight loss even when I wasn't really trying.... and I knew something was not right with my body. Denial prevented me from making an appointment with my doctor and I just kept hoping that it was just my body resetting after my last pregnancy and finally being done with breastfeeding. On September 22nd I went to my GP and got the bad news that I am a diabetic.

Now, she couldn't tell me what kind of diabetic I was (Type 1 or Type 2) and I have to admit that I really hoped it was Type 2. You see these people on the Biggest Loser that get themselves into great shape and basically "cure" their diabetes. They don't have to take meds or insulin and just need to be reasonable about diet and exercise. Diabetes wasn't brand new to me - I had gestational diabetes and required insulin when I was pregnant with the twins - so my GP had me start insulin that day. I still had all my supplies leftover from last summer thinking that I would never need them again.

The next 48 hours were dramatic and I ended up in the emergency room by 3:30 the next afternoon. My body had been suffering long enough and needed fuel. With no insulin to help the glucose entering my body to fuel my cells and brain, I actually felt like I was wasting away. Truth be told, I have never felt that bad. When I got home that night I collapsed in bed.

The next morning I went to the diabetes clinic (they fit me in on a Saturday even though they don't normally do that) and I met with a nurse and a dietician. I was told then that I am a Type 1 diabetic and will require insulin multiple times a day for the rest of my life. What? Why? How? Is there any chance you are wrong and this will go away? That my body will "fix" itself? Nope and Nope.

I had so many questions: How on earth am I going to manage this with 3 kids at home? What are the chances that any of our kids will develop it? What restrictions will I now have on my diet? How do I explain this to my family/friends/colleagues?

It sucks. I'm trying to find new routines for everyday things like providing meals for my family and taking Nathan to preschool. I feel like this is going to be my 4th baby - this baby requires 24/7 attention from me, I need to feed this baby carefully and always be aware of what this baby is doing. I can't leave the house without a drink and a snack for this baby and I need to always remember this baby's medication. However, this baby will never grow up, learn to take care of itself and move out. I am also a single mom to this baby since Clint and other family members can't really help me take care of it and I will never get a night or weekend "off" from this baby as it will always be with me. No babysitter in the world can take care of this baby for me.

I'm learning so much right now and slowly getting my blood sugar under control. I've been struggling with how to tell people about it or even if I should tell people about it. I decided to just rip the bandaid off and get it out there. I'm not embarrassed but I'm not at the point yet where I feel like I want to explain every detail to everyone I tell. People are generally misinformed and/or uninformed about diabetes. Here are some things I've learned so far that should help with the questions I pretty much would prefer not to talk about as well as some safety information in case of emergency:

1. Type 1 is most often diagnosed in childhood or adolescence but can occur in adulthood as well (my pancreas "expired" at age 33).
2. I am insulin dependent. My pancreas is producing little (if any) insulin at this point. I take insulin with every meal as well as slower acting insulin at bed and in the morning for a total of 5-6 injections a day.
3. If I feel crappy (and right now frequently even if I don't feel crappy) I will prick my finger to check my blood glucose. I'm sorry if that makes anyone uncomfortable but the alternative is me having a seizure and/or losing consciousness if I am hypoglycemic.
4. If you are going to be eating a meal with me I will need to inject insulin into my stomach. I will attempt to be discreet but you are more than welcome to look away if it makes you uncomfortable.
5. If I appear confused, drunk or otherwise not myself, please sit me down and give me some juice, sugar or other sugary treat. I have glucose tablets in my purse and if I am conscious you can give me 4. When I come around tell me what is going on since I likely won't have any idea what is happening.
6. If I am unconscious please call 9-1-1 and tell them I am a type 1 insulin dependent diabetic.

So, there it is. I have no doubt that I will be OK as I'm a planner and will take care of this. I'm angry that this is happening but also thankful that we were done having kids before it happened. I'm also so thankful that we have such great medical systems in place to help me cope and manage it (so thankful for universal health care!!). Insulin was invented in 1923 (by a Canadian) and life expectancies were only months prior to that so I'm also happy that I live here, in this time to deal with this illness. I'm also so happy that our family now has medical coverage through Clint's work so it won't be as much as a financial burden on us either. I am having a good day today but also know that not everyday will be a good day and I will be OK with that. I am fortunate to be an intelligent person with a lot of family and friends for support. I plan to live a long, healthy and happy life regardless of my useless pancreas.