Life is mental right now. When I say it is mental I mostly mean that I am going mental with everything that I'm trying to manage. Some days are great and I feel like I have total control over what is going on in my body and other days I feel like I'm falling apart, physically and emotionally.
Since September 22nd I have had 13 appointments for my own medical purposes, had lab work done 3 times, taken my children to various appointments, taken my older son to preschool and swimming classes, and attended 2 births as a doula. This was me "scaling back". I scoffed at my diabetes nurse when she suggested I try to cut back on things for a little while. I have 3 kids under the age of 4 and the idea of scaling back is somewhat laughable.
When I look back at this month I realize that I actually HAVE scaled back. The problem is that I have scaled back in areas that I get great enjoyment out of for my own emotional well being. I've only adventured out on one playdate this month (fun but exhausting) and haven't done anything for purely social purposes. I have a coffee date with two girlfriends on Sunday morning and I am giddy with anticipation to get out of the house (sans kids) and NOT have to see any doctors, nurses, dietitians, psychologists or lab techs. Don't get me wrong - they are all great - but enough is enough. I am now attempting to find a balance between giving our children the life that they deserve while also making sure that they have a mother to enjoy it with them who hasn't gone completely nuts (or worse).
Now for some technical data. Type 1 diabetics need to have lab work done (at minimum) every 3 months. They do a blood test called hemoglobin A1c (HbA1c) that measures the average blood glucose concentration over a period of time (about 3 months). When I was diagnosed my A1c was 11.5 and I guess that is uber bad. I think that is about as high as it can go without something really terrible happening. Healthy non-diabetics would have a number more like between 4 and 6. Type 1s aim for a number between 6.5 to 7. The good news is that in the short month since my crisis I am now at 9.0 - a huge improvement in a short time.
In terms of blood glucose levels I am self testing a minimum of 10 times a day; always before meals and 2 hours after as well as at bedtime and anytime I feel "low". My finger tips look like a war zone but I am a little OCD about checking my numbers at this point. Non-diabetics can expect to see their blood sugar range anywhere from 3.8 to 7.8, although most often their bodies would keep the numbers closer to about 4.4 to 6.1. As a diabetic my ranges are more difficult to control as I am doing it with injected insulin so my targets are between 4 and 7 pre-meal and between 5 and 10 two hours after I eat.
Prior to this I had experienced what the average person might consider hypoglycemia - basically an unwell feeling, maybe some shakes, a foul mood and an urgent need to eat asap. Prior to my diagnosis I maybe had that happen once or twice a year, at most, and it was nothing that a little food couldn't easily fix. This is what I assume the average non-diabetic experiences when they wait too long to eat and we've all been there. In these cases blood sugar levels are likely in the 3.8 to 4.4 range and the body with a perfectly normal pancreas will very likely compensate before something really bad happens.
True hypoglycemia is somewhat like this but much, much worse. In my case my legs go to jelly, I get confused, I have trouble walking and my heart races. It is a scary feeling and makes my whole body hurt. After one of these episodes I am exhausted emotionally and physically and the rest of the day is usually a write off. I have been experiencing some lows while we figure out how much insulin I should be using and how my daily activity effects how the insulin works in my body.
I put the kids down for a nap yesterday and felt like it was dipping. I checked and it was 4.1 - low but not extremely low - so I had a quick snack. 10 minutes later I was at 2.6 and could barely function. A scary time since I was alone at home with our kids. I treated with sugar and got it to start coming back up just as Clint was getting home from work. Severe hypoglycemia can cause seizures and loss of consciousness. Neither is an option for me EVER, much less when I am at home parenting by myself.
We have an emergency glucagon injection kit that Clint will hopefully never have to use on me. If he finds me unconscious he will need to inject the glucagon into me. This is basically the same thing EMS would inject if anyone ever called 911 for me. Now, when I heard about this little kit all I could think of was that scene in Pulp Fiction when they have to stab the overdose victim in the chest with a giant needle. I picked up my glucagon a couple of days ago and it is MUCH less dramatic than that (thank goodness!). It really is just a simple syringe and he would inject it in my stomach with no stabbing effort required.
I spoke to someone at the diabetes clinic today that told me that the Chinese word for crisis is 2 characters that each mean "danger" and "opportunity". The danger is all of those scary things that I am at higher risk for (heart attack, stroke, kidney failure, blindness, etc.). The opportunity is that I now have this whole team of people helping me to figure out how to live a long and healthy life. This crisis is my job right now but I get to make decisions, inform myself, make choices and problem solve. I am the CEO of my diabetes, not the other way around.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Expired Pancreas
Just when I thought I was finally getting our home life organized and becoming Super Mommy, I have been given a swift kick in the gut. The pancreas to be more exact. It turns out I am the "lucky recipient" (the words of my nurse) of a gene that basically stamped my pancreas with an expiration date.
About 6-8 weeks ago I started having some symptoms... extreme thirst, frequent and excessive peeing, weight loss even when I wasn't really trying.... and I knew something was not right with my body. Denial prevented me from making an appointment with my doctor and I just kept hoping that it was just my body resetting after my last pregnancy and finally being done with breastfeeding. On September 22nd I went to my GP and got the bad news that I am a diabetic.
Now, she couldn't tell me what kind of diabetic I was (Type 1 or Type 2) and I have to admit that I really hoped it was Type 2. You see these people on the Biggest Loser that get themselves into great shape and basically "cure" their diabetes. They don't have to take meds or insulin and just need to be reasonable about diet and exercise. Diabetes wasn't brand new to me - I had gestational diabetes and required insulin when I was pregnant with the twins - so my GP had me start insulin that day. I still had all my supplies leftover from last summer thinking that I would never need them again.
The next 48 hours were dramatic and I ended up in the emergency room by 3:30 the next afternoon. My body had been suffering long enough and needed fuel. With no insulin to help the glucose entering my body to fuel my cells and brain, I actually felt like I was wasting away. Truth be told, I have never felt that bad. When I got home that night I collapsed in bed.
The next morning I went to the diabetes clinic (they fit me in on a Saturday even though they don't normally do that) and I met with a nurse and a dietician. I was told then that I am a Type 1 diabetic and will require insulin multiple times a day for the rest of my life. What? Why? How? Is there any chance you are wrong and this will go away? That my body will "fix" itself? Nope and Nope.
I had so many questions: How on earth am I going to manage this with 3 kids at home? What are the chances that any of our kids will develop it? What restrictions will I now have on my diet? How do I explain this to my family/friends/colleagues?
It sucks. I'm trying to find new routines for everyday things like providing meals for my family and taking Nathan to preschool. I feel like this is going to be my 4th baby - this baby requires 24/7 attention from me, I need to feed this baby carefully and always be aware of what this baby is doing. I can't leave the house without a drink and a snack for this baby and I need to always remember this baby's medication. However, this baby will never grow up, learn to take care of itself and move out. I am also a single mom to this baby since Clint and other family members can't really help me take care of it and I will never get a night or weekend "off" from this baby as it will always be with me. No babysitter in the world can take care of this baby for me.
I'm learning so much right now and slowly getting my blood sugar under control. I've been struggling with how to tell people about it or even if I should tell people about it. I decided to just rip the bandaid off and get it out there. I'm not embarrassed but I'm not at the point yet where I feel like I want to explain every detail to everyone I tell. People are generally misinformed and/or uninformed about diabetes. Here are some things I've learned so far that should help with the questions I pretty much would prefer not to talk about as well as some safety information in case of emergency:
1. Type 1 is most often diagnosed in childhood or adolescence but can occur in adulthood as well (my pancreas "expired" at age 33).
2. I am insulin dependent. My pancreas is producing little (if any) insulin at this point. I take insulin with every meal as well as slower acting insulin at bed and in the morning for a total of 5-6 injections a day.
3. If I feel crappy (and right now frequently even if I don't feel crappy) I will prick my finger to check my blood glucose. I'm sorry if that makes anyone uncomfortable but the alternative is me having a seizure and/or losing consciousness if I am hypoglycemic.
4. If you are going to be eating a meal with me I will need to inject insulin into my stomach. I will attempt to be discreet but you are more than welcome to look away if it makes you uncomfortable.
5. If I appear confused, drunk or otherwise not myself, please sit me down and give me some juice, sugar or other sugary treat. I have glucose tablets in my purse and if I am conscious you can give me 4. When I come around tell me what is going on since I likely won't have any idea what is happening.
6. If I am unconscious please call 9-1-1 and tell them I am a type 1 insulin dependent diabetic.
So, there it is. I have no doubt that I will be OK as I'm a planner and will take care of this. I'm angry that this is happening but also thankful that we were done having kids before it happened. I'm also so thankful that we have such great medical systems in place to help me cope and manage it (so thankful for universal health care!!). Insulin was invented in 1923 (by a Canadian) and life expectancies were only months prior to that so I'm also happy that I live here, in this time to deal with this illness. I'm also so happy that our family now has medical coverage through Clint's work so it won't be as much as a financial burden on us either. I am having a good day today but also know that not everyday will be a good day and I will be OK with that. I am fortunate to be an intelligent person with a lot of family and friends for support. I plan to live a long, healthy and happy life regardless of my useless pancreas.
About 6-8 weeks ago I started having some symptoms... extreme thirst, frequent and excessive peeing, weight loss even when I wasn't really trying.... and I knew something was not right with my body. Denial prevented me from making an appointment with my doctor and I just kept hoping that it was just my body resetting after my last pregnancy and finally being done with breastfeeding. On September 22nd I went to my GP and got the bad news that I am a diabetic.
Now, she couldn't tell me what kind of diabetic I was (Type 1 or Type 2) and I have to admit that I really hoped it was Type 2. You see these people on the Biggest Loser that get themselves into great shape and basically "cure" their diabetes. They don't have to take meds or insulin and just need to be reasonable about diet and exercise. Diabetes wasn't brand new to me - I had gestational diabetes and required insulin when I was pregnant with the twins - so my GP had me start insulin that day. I still had all my supplies leftover from last summer thinking that I would never need them again.
The next 48 hours were dramatic and I ended up in the emergency room by 3:30 the next afternoon. My body had been suffering long enough and needed fuel. With no insulin to help the glucose entering my body to fuel my cells and brain, I actually felt like I was wasting away. Truth be told, I have never felt that bad. When I got home that night I collapsed in bed.
The next morning I went to the diabetes clinic (they fit me in on a Saturday even though they don't normally do that) and I met with a nurse and a dietician. I was told then that I am a Type 1 diabetic and will require insulin multiple times a day for the rest of my life. What? Why? How? Is there any chance you are wrong and this will go away? That my body will "fix" itself? Nope and Nope.
I had so many questions: How on earth am I going to manage this with 3 kids at home? What are the chances that any of our kids will develop it? What restrictions will I now have on my diet? How do I explain this to my family/friends/colleagues?
It sucks. I'm trying to find new routines for everyday things like providing meals for my family and taking Nathan to preschool. I feel like this is going to be my 4th baby - this baby requires 24/7 attention from me, I need to feed this baby carefully and always be aware of what this baby is doing. I can't leave the house without a drink and a snack for this baby and I need to always remember this baby's medication. However, this baby will never grow up, learn to take care of itself and move out. I am also a single mom to this baby since Clint and other family members can't really help me take care of it and I will never get a night or weekend "off" from this baby as it will always be with me. No babysitter in the world can take care of this baby for me.
I'm learning so much right now and slowly getting my blood sugar under control. I've been struggling with how to tell people about it or even if I should tell people about it. I decided to just rip the bandaid off and get it out there. I'm not embarrassed but I'm not at the point yet where I feel like I want to explain every detail to everyone I tell. People are generally misinformed and/or uninformed about diabetes. Here are some things I've learned so far that should help with the questions I pretty much would prefer not to talk about as well as some safety information in case of emergency:
1. Type 1 is most often diagnosed in childhood or adolescence but can occur in adulthood as well (my pancreas "expired" at age 33).
2. I am insulin dependent. My pancreas is producing little (if any) insulin at this point. I take insulin with every meal as well as slower acting insulin at bed and in the morning for a total of 5-6 injections a day.
3. If I feel crappy (and right now frequently even if I don't feel crappy) I will prick my finger to check my blood glucose. I'm sorry if that makes anyone uncomfortable but the alternative is me having a seizure and/or losing consciousness if I am hypoglycemic.
4. If you are going to be eating a meal with me I will need to inject insulin into my stomach. I will attempt to be discreet but you are more than welcome to look away if it makes you uncomfortable.
5. If I appear confused, drunk or otherwise not myself, please sit me down and give me some juice, sugar or other sugary treat. I have glucose tablets in my purse and if I am conscious you can give me 4. When I come around tell me what is going on since I likely won't have any idea what is happening.
6. If I am unconscious please call 9-1-1 and tell them I am a type 1 insulin dependent diabetic.
So, there it is. I have no doubt that I will be OK as I'm a planner and will take care of this. I'm angry that this is happening but also thankful that we were done having kids before it happened. I'm also so thankful that we have such great medical systems in place to help me cope and manage it (so thankful for universal health care!!). Insulin was invented in 1923 (by a Canadian) and life expectancies were only months prior to that so I'm also happy that I live here, in this time to deal with this illness. I'm also so happy that our family now has medical coverage through Clint's work so it won't be as much as a financial burden on us either. I am having a good day today but also know that not everyday will be a good day and I will be OK with that. I am fortunate to be an intelligent person with a lot of family and friends for support. I plan to live a long, healthy and happy life regardless of my useless pancreas.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Dealing with multiple kids during a stomach flu
This past week has been pretty awful around here as everyone (except me *knock on wood*) developed some kind of nasty stomach flu. All 3 kids got it a varying times and had some of the same symptoms and some different. Colin did not have the stomach problems that Nathan and Emily had but had a high fever for quite some time (over 40 for more than 12 hours). Two times in the last week I was so scared for one of our children: the first time was when Emily woke up and was white with grey lips on Saturday morning with no energy to even cry, and the second was Nathan screaming in pain for more than 4 hours on and off on Monday night due to gas pain in his stomach. I actually took him to the hospital because I was worried that perhaps he had appendicitis. I learned quite a bit from this relentless stomach beast - these tips are for all of you moms and dads out there that have not had to deal with more than one puker/pooper at a time yet:
- Throw down blankets/towels all over the carpet/couches. This will save your own gag reflex during clean-up and will prevent the need to carpet clean.
- Put a towel down on the bed covering not just where their head is but under their bottom as well. I don't think I should go into why this is advisable but it helps with clean-up as well.
- Don't give milk. For the love of God, do NOT give milk. They will whine and cry for it but it will only make them feel worse and is NOT fun to clean-up *gag*.
- Even if your child is toilet trained, use a pull-up anyway. Maybe two.
- Have a bucket near your kids at all times. Do not attempt to get them to the bathroom to throw up as this will just give you more things to clean.
- Wash your hands. Wash your hands until they crack and bleed. Seriously. It seems to have worked so far for me.
- Use latex gloves when cleaning up messes. Then wash your hands multiple times anyway.
- Make a pact with your partner. In our house when we are both home I clean up yucky bums and Clint cleans up regurg.
- Make another pact with your partner that if either or both of you get sick that you agree to continue to help each other as much as you can. It sucks to take care of 3 sick kids when you are well and I can't imagine trying to do all of that when you are sick and by yourself.
- Do ridiculous amounts of laundry. Use hot water on every cycle. Some things may require multiple washings.
- Use receiving blankets (those little ones that are useless if your baby weighs more than 7 lbs at birth) and just throw them out as they are "used". Put your kids in clothing you don't care about and if it is particularly nasty you can just chuck those too.
- Put your kids (and particularly babies) in clothing that opens at the front. There is nothing worse than trying to pull a nasty shirt off over their head.
- If they have a pretty bad "episode" just take them to the tub/shower and clean them off really well with soap and water. You will never get it all unless you do this.
- Make sure that extra sheets and changes of clothes are laid out before they go to bed at night. That way you may not need to turn on all the lights to search for a clean crib sheet and new PJs if there is an incident.
- When it seems to be over, sanitize the crap (literally?) out of your house.
I hope that this is the last time I will experience such an sickness in our home..... I seriously doubt that is possible since we have three young children that are building immunities to the viruses of the world. Good luck to all of you if you ever encounter such a beast!!
Time flies when you're busy raising 3 kids!!
I just can't believe that it has been nearly 4 months since my last post! I guess it should be obvious to everyone that I am a ridiculously busy Mum!
Colin and Emily turned 1 on July 27th and their birthday had me thinking back to where we were 1 year ago. So many things have changed and our lives have become far more predictable and routine. When I think back to those early days all I can remember is trying to nurse two babies out of their state of jaundice, recovering from my c-section and trying to give Nathan as "normal" of a summer as we possibly could. It was a good night if Clinton and I both got 2 hour stretches of sleep at a time and a total of 5-7 hours total (broken in chunks) was pretty common for the first 2-6 weeks. The sleep deprivation was brutal but we knew that it would be a relatively short time in our lives that we would have to push through. Around 5 weeks of age I started feeding them 100% on my own through the night since I was healing well and Clint was able to get some pretty good nights of sleep. The compromise was that I would try to nap each afternoon when the babies were asleep and Clint would play with Nathan (usually outside) so I could get some rest. We were also pretty lucky to have both of our moms nearby to help out with everything in the first month and that took a lot of pressure off of Clint to do everything else around the house.
As we approach the anniversary of their due date (August 21st) it is amazing to think of all that they have learned in the last year. It just a few more days or weeks I'm sure they will be walking. If I am being 100% honest, I'm not doing a whole lot to encourage it! The longer they are crawling around the longer I can keep what little sanity I have left. It is amazing though to see their little faces when one of them stands on their own, takes a step or two, signs a word to me or even attempts to actually communicate with words. Pretty soon they will be chatting up a storm and running around like crazy animals. Christmas is going to be really interesting this year!
Since my last post our family of 5 (plus my mom) travelled to Ottawa and area to visit family. It was a quick 4 night trip over May long weekend but was so worth all of the effort to get there and back. My grandparents (who also had boy/girl twins) were able to meet Colin and Emily and visit with Nathan for the first time since he was 6 months old. Family showed up from hours away just to see our "litter" :-) It was an excellent excuse for us to all get together again. It took me well over a week to pack for the 4 nights we were gone and another week or more to recover from it all! A girlfriend of mine asked me if I would do it again and I said "I'd do it again so that my grandparents could meet them but I won't be doing it again until they are MUCH older". It all went quite well considering we were travelling with an almost 3.5 year old and almost 10 month old twins but it really was a lot of work. And I realized on this trip why they tell you to get to the airport so early - in case you have 3 kids under 4 you will absolutely need every moment to get to your flight on time. We literally just got to the gate and it was preboarding time!
Once I recovered from that adventure it was time to get super busy leading up to Stampede. Since I volunteer with the Talent Search Committee there were many things to organize and prepare for the Show during Stampede. This year I took on more than I had in the past and was more than happy to do so. It's not that I don't love being a wife and mother but I love the feeling I get from being a part of something that has nothing to do with that other part of my life. It gives me an opportunity to have adult conversations about non-childrearing things and allows me to use my brain as well. I often tell people that there is never a shortage of things to do when you are a full time mum but the work is so not glamorous. It is nice to have somewhere to be that gives me the motivation to wear make-up, do my hair and wear regular clothes! I hope to have even greater responsibilities next year and look forward to the challenges that committment will present to me.
I was supposed to attend a workshop to train as a Childbirth Educator at the end of June but that fell through and should (hopefully) be rescheduled to this fall. I took on 3 clients as their doula and have attended one birth so far. The next one should be any day now and the one after thant about a month later. It is an extremely gratifying experience for me to be there for a woman as she labours and then births her baby. There aren't too many jobs out there that allow you to witness a miracle at the end of a very long day! I have decided to not make huge attempts to market myself for the next couple of months as I am finding that being on-call is quite a challenge when you have 3 small children. I hope to use these first 3 births towards my DONA certification and will likely only take on about another 4-7 mamas within the next year. I just want to ensure that any clients I do take I can give them the support that they need and deserve :-)
We have camped 3 times so far this year and hope to get out once more. Camping with 3 under 4 deserves a post all on it's own so I will have to get on that someday soon.....
So, what's next? Nathan starts school in less than two weeks and will be taking his first unparented swim classes this fall. He was in an outdoor soccer program this summer and seems to really like it. I took him yesterday for the first time (it is Clint's thing) and he did a great job so I think we will maybe look into doing soccer again soon too. He will be taking a music class in November/December as well and will get to make his own musical instrument. I so look forward to seeing what he creates :-)
More to come soon - if I can find the time!!!
Colin and Emily turned 1 on July 27th and their birthday had me thinking back to where we were 1 year ago. So many things have changed and our lives have become far more predictable and routine. When I think back to those early days all I can remember is trying to nurse two babies out of their state of jaundice, recovering from my c-section and trying to give Nathan as "normal" of a summer as we possibly could. It was a good night if Clinton and I both got 2 hour stretches of sleep at a time and a total of 5-7 hours total (broken in chunks) was pretty common for the first 2-6 weeks. The sleep deprivation was brutal but we knew that it would be a relatively short time in our lives that we would have to push through. Around 5 weeks of age I started feeding them 100% on my own through the night since I was healing well and Clint was able to get some pretty good nights of sleep. The compromise was that I would try to nap each afternoon when the babies were asleep and Clint would play with Nathan (usually outside) so I could get some rest. We were also pretty lucky to have both of our moms nearby to help out with everything in the first month and that took a lot of pressure off of Clint to do everything else around the house.
As we approach the anniversary of their due date (August 21st) it is amazing to think of all that they have learned in the last year. It just a few more days or weeks I'm sure they will be walking. If I am being 100% honest, I'm not doing a whole lot to encourage it! The longer they are crawling around the longer I can keep what little sanity I have left. It is amazing though to see their little faces when one of them stands on their own, takes a step or two, signs a word to me or even attempts to actually communicate with words. Pretty soon they will be chatting up a storm and running around like crazy animals. Christmas is going to be really interesting this year!
Since my last post our family of 5 (plus my mom) travelled to Ottawa and area to visit family. It was a quick 4 night trip over May long weekend but was so worth all of the effort to get there and back. My grandparents (who also had boy/girl twins) were able to meet Colin and Emily and visit with Nathan for the first time since he was 6 months old. Family showed up from hours away just to see our "litter" :-) It was an excellent excuse for us to all get together again. It took me well over a week to pack for the 4 nights we were gone and another week or more to recover from it all! A girlfriend of mine asked me if I would do it again and I said "I'd do it again so that my grandparents could meet them but I won't be doing it again until they are MUCH older". It all went quite well considering we were travelling with an almost 3.5 year old and almost 10 month old twins but it really was a lot of work. And I realized on this trip why they tell you to get to the airport so early - in case you have 3 kids under 4 you will absolutely need every moment to get to your flight on time. We literally just got to the gate and it was preboarding time!
Once I recovered from that adventure it was time to get super busy leading up to Stampede. Since I volunteer with the Talent Search Committee there were many things to organize and prepare for the Show during Stampede. This year I took on more than I had in the past and was more than happy to do so. It's not that I don't love being a wife and mother but I love the feeling I get from being a part of something that has nothing to do with that other part of my life. It gives me an opportunity to have adult conversations about non-childrearing things and allows me to use my brain as well. I often tell people that there is never a shortage of things to do when you are a full time mum but the work is so not glamorous. It is nice to have somewhere to be that gives me the motivation to wear make-up, do my hair and wear regular clothes! I hope to have even greater responsibilities next year and look forward to the challenges that committment will present to me.
I was supposed to attend a workshop to train as a Childbirth Educator at the end of June but that fell through and should (hopefully) be rescheduled to this fall. I took on 3 clients as their doula and have attended one birth so far. The next one should be any day now and the one after thant about a month later. It is an extremely gratifying experience for me to be there for a woman as she labours and then births her baby. There aren't too many jobs out there that allow you to witness a miracle at the end of a very long day! I have decided to not make huge attempts to market myself for the next couple of months as I am finding that being on-call is quite a challenge when you have 3 small children. I hope to use these first 3 births towards my DONA certification and will likely only take on about another 4-7 mamas within the next year. I just want to ensure that any clients I do take I can give them the support that they need and deserve :-)
We have camped 3 times so far this year and hope to get out once more. Camping with 3 under 4 deserves a post all on it's own so I will have to get on that someday soon.....
So, what's next? Nathan starts school in less than two weeks and will be taking his first unparented swim classes this fall. He was in an outdoor soccer program this summer and seems to really like it. I took him yesterday for the first time (it is Clint's thing) and he did a great job so I think we will maybe look into doing soccer again soon too. He will be taking a music class in November/December as well and will get to make his own musical instrument. I so look forward to seeing what he creates :-)
More to come soon - if I can find the time!!!
Monday, April 25, 2011
What's new?
So much! In the last few weeks since I was able to post an update on our family we have been ridiculously busy. I am back at the gym now and back on the Weight Watchers program. That has all been going really well - until this Easter! - and I have lost more than 10 lbs and at least 2 inches from around my waist. I'm finally starting to feel like a human again and that is fantastic. Clint played in the orchestra for an Operetta playing at Morpheus Theatre and was out a LOT more than normal to rehearse and perform over the weeks leading up to the opener as well as the 3 weeks it was on. With those gigs and my meetings and trips to the gym most evenings we traded off on childcare responsibilities. I'm really glad that the show is done because I really missed my husband!
Nathan is finally toilet trained, Colin is crawling, Emily rolls across the room and does a funny little inchworm thing to get around, and teeth are sprouting up at a really quick rate. Colin now has 4 teeth and Emily has 6!! She's my land shark :-) Emily had another follow up with her hips and they are coming along nicely. We will have one last check in a few months of both of them and then I think we are in the clear where that is concerned. We will soon be taking them to Ottawa to meet my grandparents and I'm already starting to think about getting packed for that adventure. My only hope is that Colin doesn't figure out how to stand up and cruise before we take that trip.
I have registered to take a course to become a certified Childbirth Educator in June and hope to have all of the requirements completed in the next couple of months. I've always thought that the best job was one you would do for free anyway and that is definitely how I feel about it. I just hope seeing all those pregnant women won't make me want to have another baby (hahahahaha).
We have had many playdates recently, visits with friends (without children!), baby showers, birthday parties, committee meetings, etc. I applied to teach on-line summer school, joined the Calgary Doula Association, booked my first client and have been getting baby items ready to sell at the spring TTMAC sale that is this coming weekend. I also took Emily to Banff for a night this past weekend to help celebrate my sister's birthday with her and have our girls spend some time getting to know each other better. Phew! No wonder I'm so tired!
We are in the process of getting our gardens all completed this year. I ordered some soil today and started some seeds in the house tonight in the hope that I can transplant them in a few weeks. We'll spend some time in the next week getting things ready for planting so all we'll have to do is transplant and sow our hearts out once the risk of frost has passed. Clint is taking a week off in May and we hope to be able to do some fun things together as a family but also to get some things done around the house that we have not had the time or energy to complete.
People still ask me how things are going with having twins and a 3 year old at home and I have to say that right now things are pretty good. Both babies are finally sleeping through the night (from about 7:30-7) and I'm only nursing Emily twice a day so that gives me a little more freedom as well. They love to explore their environment and really don't need me to constantly entertain them as much so I am able to at least clean the kitchen after meals while they play in their play yards or even in the kitchen on the floor near me. They nap pretty regularly twice a day and have longer periods of being not just awake but happy and content about it too. My biggest challenge right now is keeping Nathan's unsafe toys away from the babies (as well as other things they might stick in their mouths) and keeping Nathan happy inside. He asks to go outside several times a day but we often have to wait until Clint gets home or the babies are napping so one of us can go out with him. And even then he only wants to be out for a few minutes so it is a lot of shoes and coats business for only a short time. The babies are also getting really good at finger foods so that makes mealtimes a bit easier. More messy but definitely easier. Colin used to fuss so much more since we couldn't get the food in his mouth fast enough but since he can shove a piece of banana or some peas in his mouth between spoonfuls he is much happier. They are both chatting away all the time now and I look forward to hearing their first real words soon. Emily says "Mama" and Colin says "Dada" all the time and we respond with enthusiasm each and every time but I don't think they are meaning it just yet.
Nathan is still just as sweet to the babies as ever and still gives them hugs and kisses and tells them he loves them. I think he is favoring Emily right now because she hasn't shown as much interest as Colin in his toys yet! He gets quite upset when Colin gets ahold of something that he loves and says "No, Colin! That's mine!" and quickly whips it out of his hands. While I love that he is keeping unsafe toys away from the babies, we are working on the manner in which he does it. I have nightmares about what this place is going to be like in the next few months when the babies start caring about having things taken away from them. AND when they are big enough to fight back with Nathan. I also fear them walking, then running because if they take off in 2 (or 3!!) different directions how on earth do you decide which one to chase first???
So this spring and summer is going to be jammed packed with a trip to Ontario, zoo trips, a day with Thomas the Tank at Heritage Park, trips to Calaway Park, the Stampede, maybe swimming lessons and definitely camping weekends. I am already so excited to do all of these fun things with my family and I think this will be our best summer yet :-)
Nathan is finally toilet trained, Colin is crawling, Emily rolls across the room and does a funny little inchworm thing to get around, and teeth are sprouting up at a really quick rate. Colin now has 4 teeth and Emily has 6!! She's my land shark :-) Emily had another follow up with her hips and they are coming along nicely. We will have one last check in a few months of both of them and then I think we are in the clear where that is concerned. We will soon be taking them to Ottawa to meet my grandparents and I'm already starting to think about getting packed for that adventure. My only hope is that Colin doesn't figure out how to stand up and cruise before we take that trip.
I have registered to take a course to become a certified Childbirth Educator in June and hope to have all of the requirements completed in the next couple of months. I've always thought that the best job was one you would do for free anyway and that is definitely how I feel about it. I just hope seeing all those pregnant women won't make me want to have another baby (hahahahaha).
We have had many playdates recently, visits with friends (without children!), baby showers, birthday parties, committee meetings, etc. I applied to teach on-line summer school, joined the Calgary Doula Association, booked my first client and have been getting baby items ready to sell at the spring TTMAC sale that is this coming weekend. I also took Emily to Banff for a night this past weekend to help celebrate my sister's birthday with her and have our girls spend some time getting to know each other better. Phew! No wonder I'm so tired!
We are in the process of getting our gardens all completed this year. I ordered some soil today and started some seeds in the house tonight in the hope that I can transplant them in a few weeks. We'll spend some time in the next week getting things ready for planting so all we'll have to do is transplant and sow our hearts out once the risk of frost has passed. Clint is taking a week off in May and we hope to be able to do some fun things together as a family but also to get some things done around the house that we have not had the time or energy to complete.
People still ask me how things are going with having twins and a 3 year old at home and I have to say that right now things are pretty good. Both babies are finally sleeping through the night (from about 7:30-7) and I'm only nursing Emily twice a day so that gives me a little more freedom as well. They love to explore their environment and really don't need me to constantly entertain them as much so I am able to at least clean the kitchen after meals while they play in their play yards or even in the kitchen on the floor near me. They nap pretty regularly twice a day and have longer periods of being not just awake but happy and content about it too. My biggest challenge right now is keeping Nathan's unsafe toys away from the babies (as well as other things they might stick in their mouths) and keeping Nathan happy inside. He asks to go outside several times a day but we often have to wait until Clint gets home or the babies are napping so one of us can go out with him. And even then he only wants to be out for a few minutes so it is a lot of shoes and coats business for only a short time. The babies are also getting really good at finger foods so that makes mealtimes a bit easier. More messy but definitely easier. Colin used to fuss so much more since we couldn't get the food in his mouth fast enough but since he can shove a piece of banana or some peas in his mouth between spoonfuls he is much happier. They are both chatting away all the time now and I look forward to hearing their first real words soon. Emily says "Mama" and Colin says "Dada" all the time and we respond with enthusiasm each and every time but I don't think they are meaning it just yet.
Nathan is still just as sweet to the babies as ever and still gives them hugs and kisses and tells them he loves them. I think he is favoring Emily right now because she hasn't shown as much interest as Colin in his toys yet! He gets quite upset when Colin gets ahold of something that he loves and says "No, Colin! That's mine!" and quickly whips it out of his hands. While I love that he is keeping unsafe toys away from the babies, we are working on the manner in which he does it. I have nightmares about what this place is going to be like in the next few months when the babies start caring about having things taken away from them. AND when they are big enough to fight back with Nathan. I also fear them walking, then running because if they take off in 2 (or 3!!) different directions how on earth do you decide which one to chase first???
So this spring and summer is going to be jammed packed with a trip to Ontario, zoo trips, a day with Thomas the Tank at Heritage Park, trips to Calaway Park, the Stampede, maybe swimming lessons and definitely camping weekends. I am already so excited to do all of these fun things with my family and I think this will be our best summer yet :-)
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
A Day in Our Life
Colin and Emily are now 7 months old and Nathan turned 3 at the end of January. I often have to remind myself how much things have changed around here since the babies arrived. When I'm having a bad day or the babies have a bad night I try to think back to those early days and remind myself how drastically things have improved in such a short period of time. I thought I would use my blog as a spot to basically journal random days here and there for myself to look back on when days are more difficult. Things will continue to get easier overall and this will be a way for me to get some perspective. People often ask us how we do it and what my days are like. Enjoy reading about our crazy life!
Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
5:15 AM Emily woke up and needed to eat. They both had a dream feed at 10:30 last night and thankfully have both been asleep until now. I bring her back to bed with me to nurse her and try to get a few more minutes of sleep. She nurses well and we both fall back to sleep.
6:00 Clint's alarm goes off. He leaves no later than 7 every morning. Emily is still in bed with me at this point and stays asleep during his alarm. I'm able to go back to sleep too.
6:45 Emily wakes up and needs a burp. She won't go back to sleep after this and is quite fussy. I change her diaper but this doesn't seem to help much.
7:15 I give Emily 2 oz of formula and that seems to relieve her fussiness.
7:30 Colin and Nathan wake up. I go into Nathan's room first and get him to pick out his clothes for the day. He takes off his PJs and puts his overnight diaper in the diaper pail himself and goes to pee on the potty. He has peed through his diaper for the second night in a row so I will have to change his sheets again today. I wonder to myself when he will be able to stay dry at night.
7:35 I give Colin his morning bottle and then change his diaper. Nathan entertains Emily who is in her crib.
7:55 We all go downstairs for breakfast. I carry both babies at the same time and Nathan takes their bottles for me. Nathan helps to set the table with his bowl, spoon, cup, milk and bib. I get his cereal and milk ready for him while he sits at the table. Sometimes he helps me feed the cats but not today. I give them each their food and separate them since one has an allergy to the other's food.
8:00 I attempt to make my morning latte and get the babies' breakfast ready. I had to grind beans today so it take a few extra minutes.
8:10 I sit down with my coffee and start to feed the babies. Today it is cereal, pureed fruit and cottage cheese.
8:12 Nathan pees his pants. We strip his lower half, he goes to the bathroom to finish and we go upstairs to clean him up and pick out new pants.
8:15 We return to the table and I continue feeding the babies.
8:30 All 3 kids are done breakfast and I clean all their hands, faces, bibs, and the babies' trays. I put away all food and I fill and run the dishwasher.
8:38 We all go into the living room to play before the babies need their first nap. I lay the babies on a blanket on the floor with a few toys but mostly Nathan and I just play with them. Nathan is obsessed with making Colin laugh so once he discovers how to do this he repeats the action over and over until Colin is hysterically laughing. I love moments like this and appreciate how blessed we are.
8:45 Nathan picks a book to "read" to the babies. He looks at the pictures and summarizes what he thinks is happening.
8:50 I read to all 3 the book "You Are All My Favorites". It's a book about 3 baby bears, 2 boys and a girl, who ask their parents who their favorite is.
9:00 I finally finish my coffee. Emily starts to fuss for her nap.
9:09 I take both babies upstairs and put them down for their nap. Colin is not as ready and takes a few more minutes to get to sleep.
9:30 Nathan and I go to the basement and he plays and watches "The Cat in the Hat" tv show while I finish taking care of our budget and bills for February. I send Clint an email about our budget since I'm not sure we'll get a chance to discuss it until after all the kids are in bed for the night and I may forget by then. We often communicate this way so that we don't forget to tell each other something important. And by text message too, sometimes when we are both at home.
9:50 Once I'm satisfied that the babies are asleep, Nathan picks a toy and plays in the bathroom so I can have a shower and still keep an eye on him.
10:05 I get dressed and send Nathan to the potty. I hear Colin making noises in their room (including laughing) and pray that he will go back to sleep and won't wake up Emily. If he doesn't go back to sleep and/or she wakes up, our whole morning will be "off" since I have to take Nathan to preschool.
10:10 I do some laundry. Get the dry stuff organized to be put in the appropriate room and throw another load in the dryer. I get a load ready so I can throw Nathan's wet sheets in when I get around to getting them from upstairs.
10:20 Colin is still awake but I leave him in the hopes that he cooperates. I dry my hair since it is -30 today and don't want it to freeze when we go out. Nathan watches more tv and I feel like a bad mother because of it.
10:35 Colin is now crying.
10:37 Colin is quiet. I don't think he woke up Emily *phew*
10:39 Colin cries out again, yawns, babbles and is again quiet.
10:45 I get Nathan's snack ready for school, put a pull-up on him and get the car seats ready for the babies.
10:50 I go into the nursery and it stinks. Colin pooped his pants so I need to change him and we will now be late since I have this routine down to an exact science. Both babies were asleep so I wake and change Colin, get Emily up then get them bundled up in their car seats. Nathan helps put his coat and boots on. Then he takes them off to put his backpack on. He needs my help to get it all on.
11:00 We walk out the door and I load up all 3 kids in the truck. I am now sweating and it hurts to lift them all into the truck from my workout at the gym last night.
11:15 I unload all 3 kids and take Nathan into his preschool to drop him off. We are late but I don't feel so bad since there are other people who are late too and they don't have twins.
11:25 I reload the babies and head home. I realize that I haven't eaten anything yet today and I am starving. I know I shouldn't but I swing through the KFC drive through and get a cheap lunch. I feel guilty about this and wonder if I'll ever be able to get control over my eating and lose the weight that I need to lose to feel healthy and good about myself again. I do, however, enjoy these few minutes of "solitude" in the truck. Both of the babies are with me but are usually quiet so I have a few minutes for reflection and can relax. It is cold today but the sun is shining and it feels good to get out even though it is a lot of work.
11:45 I unload the babies and scarf down my lunch.
11:55 I nurse Emily while Colin gets a bottle. He is pretty much weaned as of this past weekend as he would pretty much do anything else other that nurse. Books say to never prop a bottle but I guarantee that those authors never had multiples. Em nurses really well and I think she's happy she doesn't have to share anymore.
12:25 I give the babies lunch. It is vegetables and turkey and apple sauce.
12:45 Colin starts to cry since he is tired. I clean him up and take him to bed. He had some spit up on him that I assumed happened in the truck but I realized that he did it during his first nap since his sheet is all nasty. I change his sheet, change his diaper and clothes and put him down for a nap.
12:55 Emily is now crying her face off downstairs because I left her there to deal with Colin. I finish giving her lunch, clean her up, change her diaper and put her to bed.
1:01 It's now up to them to go to sleep. I haven't helped them to go to sleep in probably 3 months or more. I change the diaper pail and take the laundry downstairs. Once there I finish cleaning up the bare minimum in the kitchen so I can take a break before Clint gets home with Nathan from school.
1:10 I get on my computer to blog, check my email and facebook.
1:13 The babies are asleep and I am thankful to get a few quiet moments to myself. I don't at all feel guilty about this.
1:42 Clint and Nathan arrive home from preschool. Nathan comes downstairs to show me his craft and I take him to wash his hands before lunch. I have had 30 minutes to myself and I'm thankful for every second of it.
1:55 Nathan and Clint have lunch together and I resume my break to read the TTMAC newsletter. I am so thankful that Clint has a job where he can be home so early to help take some of the pressure of the day off of me.
2:30 Nathan comes downstairs and we play for a few minutes until it is time for quiet time
2:50 Clint takes Nathan for quiet time.
3:02 The babies wake up from their nap. I bring them downstairs for some play time.
3:30 Clint comes downstairs to grab a frozen lasagna to put in the oven and then he goes for a shower.
3:45 I give Colin a bottle and attempt to nurse Emily. She's not interested but continues to fuss for who knows what reason.
4:15 Clint comes downstairs to help me with the babies.
4:30 We decide that the babies may need to have another quick nap so we take them upstairs to put them down. They are not happy about this at all and Colin has a complete meltdown before falling asleep. Once he finished crying Emily cries in his place.
4:45 Clint gets Nathan up from his nap and he is not crazy about this either.
5:00 We sit down for dinner. Nathan is not hungry since he ate lunch around 2 so we don't force the issue. Colin is asleep now but Emily is still crying. Clint and I eat and hope she'll go to sleep too.
5:10 We give up on Em having a nap and get her up. I try to nurse her again but she's still not interested. Clint is done eating so he feeds her. It is more vegetables and turkey and yogurt. Afterwards we try and get Nathan to eat but he's still not into it.
5:45 I wake Colin up.
5:55 Colin has dinner.
6:30 We are all done with dinner and cleaned-up. I call Roger and Cathy to find out where they will be placed next year. It's exciting news!!!
7:00 We all go downstairs to play for a bit before bed. Clint plays with the kids - it's the only time so far today he's had all 3 together - and I surf the internet about the place Roger and Cathy will be moving to this summer.
7:24 We take the kids upstairs for bed. Colin and Emily get tucked in and Clint gives Nathan a bath and gets him into bed.
7:35 My parenting is done for the day (except for a dream feed later) and I spend some time writing this blog entry.
8:00 My sister calls and we chat.
8:45 Clint comes downstairs and I get off the phone with my sister to go make popcorn. He has been watching all the seasons of Battlestar Galactica on his laptop while I watch shows he has zero interest in. Tonight it was the Biggest Loser. This is how we spend time together recently. How romantic. I think to myself that I wish we could go out on a date but it's so difficult right now while the kids are so small. Also, the irony of me eating popcorn while watching a show about weight loss is not lost on me. I again feel guilty about my lack of self-control.
10:45 We both go to give the babies their dream feed.
11:05 Lights out. We are both exhausted and I am mad at myself for not going to bed sooner. The babies both get a bottle for their dream feed so there is no reason why I shouldn't go to bed early. I guess I just feel like that is the only time of day I truly get to myself to just do whatever I want and hang out with Clint. As much as I need the sleep it is a trade-off I'm willing to accept right now for my own sanity. As I try to fall asleep I suddenly realize that I never changed Nathan's sheets that had a pee spot from the night before. I'm sure it has been completely dry for hours and wasn't that big to begin with but I instantly feel like a bad mother (again). I promise myself to take the sheets off the moment I get him up in the morning. I guess if this is the biggest parenting mistake I've made all day then I should count myself lucky.
Most days are similar to this one. Colin and Emily have 2 (sometimes 3) naps. Nathan usually goes for a nap in the middle of the afternoon (around 3) and meal times are generally around 8, 12 and 5. The babies often have a nursing/bottle feeding session midmorning and/or mid-afternoon as well. I try to do laundry each day but sometimes it gets out of hand and I need to spend an entire day getting caught up. There is never a shortage of things to do in a day and I never feel like I am 100% caught up as there is always something else to take care of (grocery shopping, snow shoveling, housework, meal preparation, doctors appointments, etc). The priority in our home right now is still meal and nap times and some down time for Clint and I so we don't go insane. The housework gets done (eventually) and some days are better than others for getting tasks accomplished. Clint has rehearsals one or two evenings a week and the occasional performance so on those nights I am on my own. My fitness goal right now is to get to the gym 3 times a week so Clint is on his own when I do that. I hope to look back at this entry in 3 months and see just how much easier each day has become. I hope that Nathan is officially daytime potty trained. I also hope that Colin and Emily are no longer needing a dream feed and are having only 2 very predictable and regular naps every day. They seem to be doing well with sleeping through the night in the last week or so (knock on wood!) and I hope that continues. Emily will also very likely be weaned by that point and I hope that I have been able to start dropping the last of the baby weight with regular trips to the gym. Time will tell!!
Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
5:15 AM Emily woke up and needed to eat. They both had a dream feed at 10:30 last night and thankfully have both been asleep until now. I bring her back to bed with me to nurse her and try to get a few more minutes of sleep. She nurses well and we both fall back to sleep.
6:00 Clint's alarm goes off. He leaves no later than 7 every morning. Emily is still in bed with me at this point and stays asleep during his alarm. I'm able to go back to sleep too.
6:45 Emily wakes up and needs a burp. She won't go back to sleep after this and is quite fussy. I change her diaper but this doesn't seem to help much.
7:15 I give Emily 2 oz of formula and that seems to relieve her fussiness.
7:30 Colin and Nathan wake up. I go into Nathan's room first and get him to pick out his clothes for the day. He takes off his PJs and puts his overnight diaper in the diaper pail himself and goes to pee on the potty. He has peed through his diaper for the second night in a row so I will have to change his sheets again today. I wonder to myself when he will be able to stay dry at night.
7:35 I give Colin his morning bottle and then change his diaper. Nathan entertains Emily who is in her crib.
7:55 We all go downstairs for breakfast. I carry both babies at the same time and Nathan takes their bottles for me. Nathan helps to set the table with his bowl, spoon, cup, milk and bib. I get his cereal and milk ready for him while he sits at the table. Sometimes he helps me feed the cats but not today. I give them each their food and separate them since one has an allergy to the other's food.
8:00 I attempt to make my morning latte and get the babies' breakfast ready. I had to grind beans today so it take a few extra minutes.
8:10 I sit down with my coffee and start to feed the babies. Today it is cereal, pureed fruit and cottage cheese.
8:12 Nathan pees his pants. We strip his lower half, he goes to the bathroom to finish and we go upstairs to clean him up and pick out new pants.
8:15 We return to the table and I continue feeding the babies.
8:30 All 3 kids are done breakfast and I clean all their hands, faces, bibs, and the babies' trays. I put away all food and I fill and run the dishwasher.
8:38 We all go into the living room to play before the babies need their first nap. I lay the babies on a blanket on the floor with a few toys but mostly Nathan and I just play with them. Nathan is obsessed with making Colin laugh so once he discovers how to do this he repeats the action over and over until Colin is hysterically laughing. I love moments like this and appreciate how blessed we are.
8:45 Nathan picks a book to "read" to the babies. He looks at the pictures and summarizes what he thinks is happening.
8:50 I read to all 3 the book "You Are All My Favorites". It's a book about 3 baby bears, 2 boys and a girl, who ask their parents who their favorite is.
9:00 I finally finish my coffee. Emily starts to fuss for her nap.
9:09 I take both babies upstairs and put them down for their nap. Colin is not as ready and takes a few more minutes to get to sleep.
9:30 Nathan and I go to the basement and he plays and watches "The Cat in the Hat" tv show while I finish taking care of our budget and bills for February. I send Clint an email about our budget since I'm not sure we'll get a chance to discuss it until after all the kids are in bed for the night and I may forget by then. We often communicate this way so that we don't forget to tell each other something important. And by text message too, sometimes when we are both at home.
9:50 Once I'm satisfied that the babies are asleep, Nathan picks a toy and plays in the bathroom so I can have a shower and still keep an eye on him.
10:05 I get dressed and send Nathan to the potty. I hear Colin making noises in their room (including laughing) and pray that he will go back to sleep and won't wake up Emily. If he doesn't go back to sleep and/or she wakes up, our whole morning will be "off" since I have to take Nathan to preschool.
10:10 I do some laundry. Get the dry stuff organized to be put in the appropriate room and throw another load in the dryer. I get a load ready so I can throw Nathan's wet sheets in when I get around to getting them from upstairs.
10:20 Colin is still awake but I leave him in the hopes that he cooperates. I dry my hair since it is -30 today and don't want it to freeze when we go out. Nathan watches more tv and I feel like a bad mother because of it.
10:35 Colin is now crying.
10:37 Colin is quiet. I don't think he woke up Emily *phew*
10:39 Colin cries out again, yawns, babbles and is again quiet.
10:45 I get Nathan's snack ready for school, put a pull-up on him and get the car seats ready for the babies.
10:50 I go into the nursery and it stinks. Colin pooped his pants so I need to change him and we will now be late since I have this routine down to an exact science. Both babies were asleep so I wake and change Colin, get Emily up then get them bundled up in their car seats. Nathan helps put his coat and boots on. Then he takes them off to put his backpack on. He needs my help to get it all on.
11:00 We walk out the door and I load up all 3 kids in the truck. I am now sweating and it hurts to lift them all into the truck from my workout at the gym last night.
11:15 I unload all 3 kids and take Nathan into his preschool to drop him off. We are late but I don't feel so bad since there are other people who are late too and they don't have twins.
11:25 I reload the babies and head home. I realize that I haven't eaten anything yet today and I am starving. I know I shouldn't but I swing through the KFC drive through and get a cheap lunch. I feel guilty about this and wonder if I'll ever be able to get control over my eating and lose the weight that I need to lose to feel healthy and good about myself again. I do, however, enjoy these few minutes of "solitude" in the truck. Both of the babies are with me but are usually quiet so I have a few minutes for reflection and can relax. It is cold today but the sun is shining and it feels good to get out even though it is a lot of work.
11:45 I unload the babies and scarf down my lunch.
11:55 I nurse Emily while Colin gets a bottle. He is pretty much weaned as of this past weekend as he would pretty much do anything else other that nurse. Books say to never prop a bottle but I guarantee that those authors never had multiples. Em nurses really well and I think she's happy she doesn't have to share anymore.
12:25 I give the babies lunch. It is vegetables and turkey and apple sauce.
12:45 Colin starts to cry since he is tired. I clean him up and take him to bed. He had some spit up on him that I assumed happened in the truck but I realized that he did it during his first nap since his sheet is all nasty. I change his sheet, change his diaper and clothes and put him down for a nap.
12:55 Emily is now crying her face off downstairs because I left her there to deal with Colin. I finish giving her lunch, clean her up, change her diaper and put her to bed.
1:01 It's now up to them to go to sleep. I haven't helped them to go to sleep in probably 3 months or more. I change the diaper pail and take the laundry downstairs. Once there I finish cleaning up the bare minimum in the kitchen so I can take a break before Clint gets home with Nathan from school.
1:10 I get on my computer to blog, check my email and facebook.
1:13 The babies are asleep and I am thankful to get a few quiet moments to myself. I don't at all feel guilty about this.
1:42 Clint and Nathan arrive home from preschool. Nathan comes downstairs to show me his craft and I take him to wash his hands before lunch. I have had 30 minutes to myself and I'm thankful for every second of it.
1:55 Nathan and Clint have lunch together and I resume my break to read the TTMAC newsletter. I am so thankful that Clint has a job where he can be home so early to help take some of the pressure of the day off of me.
2:30 Nathan comes downstairs and we play for a few minutes until it is time for quiet time
2:50 Clint takes Nathan for quiet time.
3:02 The babies wake up from their nap. I bring them downstairs for some play time.
3:30 Clint comes downstairs to grab a frozen lasagna to put in the oven and then he goes for a shower.
3:45 I give Colin a bottle and attempt to nurse Emily. She's not interested but continues to fuss for who knows what reason.
4:15 Clint comes downstairs to help me with the babies.
4:30 We decide that the babies may need to have another quick nap so we take them upstairs to put them down. They are not happy about this at all and Colin has a complete meltdown before falling asleep. Once he finished crying Emily cries in his place.
4:45 Clint gets Nathan up from his nap and he is not crazy about this either.
5:00 We sit down for dinner. Nathan is not hungry since he ate lunch around 2 so we don't force the issue. Colin is asleep now but Emily is still crying. Clint and I eat and hope she'll go to sleep too.
5:10 We give up on Em having a nap and get her up. I try to nurse her again but she's still not interested. Clint is done eating so he feeds her. It is more vegetables and turkey and yogurt. Afterwards we try and get Nathan to eat but he's still not into it.
5:45 I wake Colin up.
5:55 Colin has dinner.
6:30 We are all done with dinner and cleaned-up. I call Roger and Cathy to find out where they will be placed next year. It's exciting news!!!
7:00 We all go downstairs to play for a bit before bed. Clint plays with the kids - it's the only time so far today he's had all 3 together - and I surf the internet about the place Roger and Cathy will be moving to this summer.
7:24 We take the kids upstairs for bed. Colin and Emily get tucked in and Clint gives Nathan a bath and gets him into bed.
7:35 My parenting is done for the day (except for a dream feed later) and I spend some time writing this blog entry.
8:00 My sister calls and we chat.
8:45 Clint comes downstairs and I get off the phone with my sister to go make popcorn. He has been watching all the seasons of Battlestar Galactica on his laptop while I watch shows he has zero interest in. Tonight it was the Biggest Loser. This is how we spend time together recently. How romantic. I think to myself that I wish we could go out on a date but it's so difficult right now while the kids are so small. Also, the irony of me eating popcorn while watching a show about weight loss is not lost on me. I again feel guilty about my lack of self-control.
10:45 We both go to give the babies their dream feed.
11:05 Lights out. We are both exhausted and I am mad at myself for not going to bed sooner. The babies both get a bottle for their dream feed so there is no reason why I shouldn't go to bed early. I guess I just feel like that is the only time of day I truly get to myself to just do whatever I want and hang out with Clint. As much as I need the sleep it is a trade-off I'm willing to accept right now for my own sanity. As I try to fall asleep I suddenly realize that I never changed Nathan's sheets that had a pee spot from the night before. I'm sure it has been completely dry for hours and wasn't that big to begin with but I instantly feel like a bad mother (again). I promise myself to take the sheets off the moment I get him up in the morning. I guess if this is the biggest parenting mistake I've made all day then I should count myself lucky.
Most days are similar to this one. Colin and Emily have 2 (sometimes 3) naps. Nathan usually goes for a nap in the middle of the afternoon (around 3) and meal times are generally around 8, 12 and 5. The babies often have a nursing/bottle feeding session midmorning and/or mid-afternoon as well. I try to do laundry each day but sometimes it gets out of hand and I need to spend an entire day getting caught up. There is never a shortage of things to do in a day and I never feel like I am 100% caught up as there is always something else to take care of (grocery shopping, snow shoveling, housework, meal preparation, doctors appointments, etc). The priority in our home right now is still meal and nap times and some down time for Clint and I so we don't go insane. The housework gets done (eventually) and some days are better than others for getting tasks accomplished. Clint has rehearsals one or two evenings a week and the occasional performance so on those nights I am on my own. My fitness goal right now is to get to the gym 3 times a week so Clint is on his own when I do that. I hope to look back at this entry in 3 months and see just how much easier each day has become. I hope that Nathan is officially daytime potty trained. I also hope that Colin and Emily are no longer needing a dream feed and are having only 2 very predictable and regular naps every day. They seem to be doing well with sleeping through the night in the last week or so (knock on wood!) and I hope that continues. Emily will also very likely be weaned by that point and I hope that I have been able to start dropping the last of the baby weight with regular trips to the gym. Time will tell!!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Unexpected birth experiences
Every time I hear that someone I care about has an unexpected c-section I am sent back to those early days with Nathan 3 years ago. After my water broke I was induced and quickly - in literally just minutes - went from a few extremely mild contractions to full-on hard labour. Add to that the fact that it was the middle of the night so I had not slept and he was "sunny-side up" (occipital posterior) and it took every ounce of determination to make it through the rolling contractions. For those who haven't heard that term it means when the contractions are right on top of one another so the mom doesn't get a "break" in between. Good times. I finally had an epidural when I reached 7 cm and started to involuntarily push.
It took another 9 hours until I reached the pushing stage. Thank goodness I had that epidural!! I pushed for 2 and a half hours and consulted with the OB on-call. She recommended a c-section. Nathan was still facing up with his chin hyperextended and his head tilted toward his shoulder. Any one of these positions would have warranted a c-section.
Little did I know at that time that the hard part was yet to come. I'm not sure what was more difficult during that time: the physical recovery process or the emotional aftermath. It took me until the birth of our twins 2 and a half years later to finally feel like I was completely over the whole experience. I don't want anyone I care about - or anyone, for that matter - to go through that so I'm writing about it in the hopes that I can be of some help.
New moms are likely going to have all the normal and often challenging things to deal with. The following are things many first time moms experience: she likely had a long, hard labour, is learning how to feed her baby, is having major hormonal fluctuations, is experiencing emotions that she may not yet be able to understand or explain and is just plain exhausted.
In the case of an unexpected c-section the mom is now recovering from MAJOR abdominal surgery. AND trying to feed her baby (which is uncomfortable and painful at first), AND not getting enough sleep (which is necessary after surgery), AND she very well may have extreme emotions regarding the actual birth experience. People often think that c-sections are no big deal since they happen so often. I didn't think they were such a big deal until I had one myself. No one is truly prepared for this experience when it happens, even in the case of a planned c-section. You just don't realize how difficult it's going to be.
What can you do? (advice for dads but also applicable to the new mom's family and friends)
Emotionally: Give her the space and time to feel what she is feeling. Listen to her when she talks and validate what she is saying. Tell her that she did a fantastic job in labour and she is amazing for enduring such pain to ensure the safe arrival of her baby. If she gets angry about anything, let her and don't argue back. It may take some time but she will start to feel better emotionally once she starts to feel better physically. If not, then just let her talk. And talk, and talk...... Clint let me talk for many, many months. So did my mom, my sister and my best friend. It is sometimes all that helps.
Physically: Help her get in and out of bed (ask the public health nurse to show you how to do it properly). Help her get comfortable day and night to feed the baby and then pass the baby to her. Take the baby after feedings so that she can nap at least once during the day in the early weeks. Bring her healthy meals where she is most comfortable. Set up everything she needs within arms reach of her "comfy" spot (TV remote, water, granola bars, pain meds, cell phone). Make sure that any baby items are close by where she sleeps too (burp cloths, diapers, wipes, extra sleeper and diaper shirt). Have the baby sleep in your room with you (if you both agree) and set up a change table area there as well. Change the baby before or after feedings so she doesn't have to bend over to do it. Take them to their doctor's appointments and always carry the baby, diaper bag and the car seat for her. Arrange for family and friends to come and HELP (bring meals, do grocery shopping, do laundry, house keeping). If you are a friend or family member who wants to help, BE SPECIFIC about what it is you are willing to do to help (bring a meal, pick-up Starbucks, bring diapers, hold baby while she showers, get groceries, etc.) so that she can decide if she wants/needs it. Encourage her to say no to visitors if she is not up to it or, better yet, say no for her. Make sure she eats regularly and has a shower every day so that she can feel human.
Advice for the new mom
1. Take your meds! When I had my first c-section I wanted to avoid the narcotics they administered as I thought I would do some irreparable damage to my baby. Yes, you want to get off the meds as soon as you can but you are no good to your baby in those early days at home if you are in so much pain that you cannot function. I took Percocet the first time and Oxycontin the second time. This is the really good stuff and they wouldn't give it to you if it wasn't safe. BTW, my babies are all fine!! Once you are at a stage when you can manage the pain a little better alternate taking tylenol at one time and advil a couple of hours later being sure to follow the advise from the doctors and public health nurse on dosing.
2. Try to nap at least once a day in the first few weeks. Even if you can't fall asleep, some time in bed alone can do wonders for your recovery. Feed the baby and pass him/her off to whomever is there to help at that time to burp, change, etc. and try to go right to sleep. This is actually the easiest way to get a nap in because all the oxytocin in your body from breastfeeding will make it almost impossible not to fall asleep!
3. Take any help that anyone offers. People don't offer if they don't actually want to help. If someone offers to bring you a meal, accept it. Even if you won't eat it that day you can save it for the next day or freeze it for some other time. Anytime someone comes over have them do small things for you like carry the laundry, empty the dishwasher, get you a drink, or hold the baby while you go to the bathroom.
4. When people do come to see you tell them that your house is now "self serve". If they want coffee, water or anything else, they need to get it themselves. Tell them that you seriously don't care if they help themselves but that you are just not up to playing hostess. Our house is still self serve and our twins are 6 months old!!
5. Do not feel any guilt over having a c-section. And do not feel any guilt over feeling upset about having a c-section. This advice would is really applicable to any mom who didn't have the birth experience they were hoping for. This was the most difficult thing for me to do. People who have not had an unexpected birth experience don't understand how traumatizing it can be and think that you should simply be happy because you got a healthy baby. Of course you are happy you got a healthy baby!!!! But it is normal and completely ok to be upset that the birth experience and your first few days together did not go how you imagined they would go. Grieve for that loss because it is very real for you whether anyone else understands it or not. Remember that there is at least one other woman out there (me!) that knows exactly how you feel! You will bond with your baby and it will get easier. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you may feel.
6. Don't play the "what if?" game with yourself. I played that game for many months. "What if I hadn't been induced? What if I hadn't fallen the week before he was born? What if I'd asked to go home for a few hours after we first went to the hospital? What if I hadn't gotten the epidural? What if I had changed into a different position? What if I hadn't gained so much weight?" And on, and on. The truth is that you did what was best for you and your baby with the situation that you were in at that particular moment. You may very well have not had any choice in the matter even if it was presented to you that way. Some babies just won't be born the old fashioned way no matter what we do. If you need to blame someone, blame everyone BUT yourself (and your partner and baby, of course). Blame the nurses and doctors if you need to. Blame the protocols of the hospital. This is not your fault and it is ok to be upset about it.
I came to the realization some months after Nathan was born that we both may have not survived his birth had he been born 100 years ago or even yesterday in a 3rd world country. The c-section rate across Canada is between 25-30% and mother and infant mortality is at a all time low. In addition, VBACs (vaginal births after cesareans) are becoming more and more accepted by health care professionals. VBACs are typically successful anywhere from 70-90% of the time depending on the reason for the initial c-section and I personally know 4 women who have had successful VBACs in the last 3 years. I had planned to have one too up until my water broke with the twins and they were still in breech positions. While I struggled for quite some time with my first c-section and attempted to get the twins in position for a VBAC, it was not meant to be for me. At the end of the day I am thankful for the birth experiences I had as I feel they made me stronger both physically and emotionally. I have three beautiful, healthy children and only a small, very faint scar remains.
It took another 9 hours until I reached the pushing stage. Thank goodness I had that epidural!! I pushed for 2 and a half hours and consulted with the OB on-call. She recommended a c-section. Nathan was still facing up with his chin hyperextended and his head tilted toward his shoulder. Any one of these positions would have warranted a c-section.
Little did I know at that time that the hard part was yet to come. I'm not sure what was more difficult during that time: the physical recovery process or the emotional aftermath. It took me until the birth of our twins 2 and a half years later to finally feel like I was completely over the whole experience. I don't want anyone I care about - or anyone, for that matter - to go through that so I'm writing about it in the hopes that I can be of some help.
New moms are likely going to have all the normal and often challenging things to deal with. The following are things many first time moms experience: she likely had a long, hard labour, is learning how to feed her baby, is having major hormonal fluctuations, is experiencing emotions that she may not yet be able to understand or explain and is just plain exhausted.
In the case of an unexpected c-section the mom is now recovering from MAJOR abdominal surgery. AND trying to feed her baby (which is uncomfortable and painful at first), AND not getting enough sleep (which is necessary after surgery), AND she very well may have extreme emotions regarding the actual birth experience. People often think that c-sections are no big deal since they happen so often. I didn't think they were such a big deal until I had one myself. No one is truly prepared for this experience when it happens, even in the case of a planned c-section. You just don't realize how difficult it's going to be.
What can you do? (advice for dads but also applicable to the new mom's family and friends)
Emotionally: Give her the space and time to feel what she is feeling. Listen to her when she talks and validate what she is saying. Tell her that she did a fantastic job in labour and she is amazing for enduring such pain to ensure the safe arrival of her baby. If she gets angry about anything, let her and don't argue back. It may take some time but she will start to feel better emotionally once she starts to feel better physically. If not, then just let her talk. And talk, and talk...... Clint let me talk for many, many months. So did my mom, my sister and my best friend. It is sometimes all that helps.
Physically: Help her get in and out of bed (ask the public health nurse to show you how to do it properly). Help her get comfortable day and night to feed the baby and then pass the baby to her. Take the baby after feedings so that she can nap at least once during the day in the early weeks. Bring her healthy meals where she is most comfortable. Set up everything she needs within arms reach of her "comfy" spot (TV remote, water, granola bars, pain meds, cell phone). Make sure that any baby items are close by where she sleeps too (burp cloths, diapers, wipes, extra sleeper and diaper shirt). Have the baby sleep in your room with you (if you both agree) and set up a change table area there as well. Change the baby before or after feedings so she doesn't have to bend over to do it. Take them to their doctor's appointments and always carry the baby, diaper bag and the car seat for her. Arrange for family and friends to come and HELP (bring meals, do grocery shopping, do laundry, house keeping). If you are a friend or family member who wants to help, BE SPECIFIC about what it is you are willing to do to help (bring a meal, pick-up Starbucks, bring diapers, hold baby while she showers, get groceries, etc.) so that she can decide if she wants/needs it. Encourage her to say no to visitors if she is not up to it or, better yet, say no for her. Make sure she eats regularly and has a shower every day so that she can feel human.
Advice for the new mom
1. Take your meds! When I had my first c-section I wanted to avoid the narcotics they administered as I thought I would do some irreparable damage to my baby. Yes, you want to get off the meds as soon as you can but you are no good to your baby in those early days at home if you are in so much pain that you cannot function. I took Percocet the first time and Oxycontin the second time. This is the really good stuff and they wouldn't give it to you if it wasn't safe. BTW, my babies are all fine!! Once you are at a stage when you can manage the pain a little better alternate taking tylenol at one time and advil a couple of hours later being sure to follow the advise from the doctors and public health nurse on dosing.
2. Try to nap at least once a day in the first few weeks. Even if you can't fall asleep, some time in bed alone can do wonders for your recovery. Feed the baby and pass him/her off to whomever is there to help at that time to burp, change, etc. and try to go right to sleep. This is actually the easiest way to get a nap in because all the oxytocin in your body from breastfeeding will make it almost impossible not to fall asleep!
3. Take any help that anyone offers. People don't offer if they don't actually want to help. If someone offers to bring you a meal, accept it. Even if you won't eat it that day you can save it for the next day or freeze it for some other time. Anytime someone comes over have them do small things for you like carry the laundry, empty the dishwasher, get you a drink, or hold the baby while you go to the bathroom.
4. When people do come to see you tell them that your house is now "self serve". If they want coffee, water or anything else, they need to get it themselves. Tell them that you seriously don't care if they help themselves but that you are just not up to playing hostess. Our house is still self serve and our twins are 6 months old!!
5. Do not feel any guilt over having a c-section. And do not feel any guilt over feeling upset about having a c-section. This advice would is really applicable to any mom who didn't have the birth experience they were hoping for. This was the most difficult thing for me to do. People who have not had an unexpected birth experience don't understand how traumatizing it can be and think that you should simply be happy because you got a healthy baby. Of course you are happy you got a healthy baby!!!! But it is normal and completely ok to be upset that the birth experience and your first few days together did not go how you imagined they would go. Grieve for that loss because it is very real for you whether anyone else understands it or not. Remember that there is at least one other woman out there (me!) that knows exactly how you feel! You will bond with your baby and it will get easier. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you may feel.
6. Don't play the "what if?" game with yourself. I played that game for many months. "What if I hadn't been induced? What if I hadn't fallen the week before he was born? What if I'd asked to go home for a few hours after we first went to the hospital? What if I hadn't gotten the epidural? What if I had changed into a different position? What if I hadn't gained so much weight?" And on, and on. The truth is that you did what was best for you and your baby with the situation that you were in at that particular moment. You may very well have not had any choice in the matter even if it was presented to you that way. Some babies just won't be born the old fashioned way no matter what we do. If you need to blame someone, blame everyone BUT yourself (and your partner and baby, of course). Blame the nurses and doctors if you need to. Blame the protocols of the hospital. This is not your fault and it is ok to be upset about it.
I came to the realization some months after Nathan was born that we both may have not survived his birth had he been born 100 years ago or even yesterday in a 3rd world country. The c-section rate across Canada is between 25-30% and mother and infant mortality is at a all time low. In addition, VBACs (vaginal births after cesareans) are becoming more and more accepted by health care professionals. VBACs are typically successful anywhere from 70-90% of the time depending on the reason for the initial c-section and I personally know 4 women who have had successful VBACs in the last 3 years. I had planned to have one too up until my water broke with the twins and they were still in breech positions. While I struggled for quite some time with my first c-section and attempted to get the twins in position for a VBAC, it was not meant to be for me. At the end of the day I am thankful for the birth experiences I had as I feel they made me stronger both physically and emotionally. I have three beautiful, healthy children and only a small, very faint scar remains.
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